Parental Timeout? Nawwww.

It is not very often I lose control over my emotions. I have always tended to be a fairly level headed individual, not given to extremes in either way. But a little while ago I was driving along in my car, just listening to some talk radio on CBC-FM when an interview not only got my attention, it caused me to grip the wheel and start yelling at my radio and in the process spraying the interior of my car with both invectives and spittle. I am quite surprised that the people at Queen’s Park haven’t legislated against talk radio as a distraction to drivers. I mean, I have had a car phone (since the days they were referred to by that name) since the late 1980's and in all those conversations, both pleasant and angry, I haven’t been distracted to the point that I caused a car accident. However, I do have to admit that I have nearly rear-ended someone after committing a Linda Blair. More than once I have twisted my neck through an unnatural arc trying to catch the swaying motions of a woman who sauntered down the street in a dangerously short skirt. Personally, legislating against attractive people walking on the street would probably do more to keeping eyes on the road than banning cell phone conversations.

The interview I was listening to was with a woman who was advocating against yelling at your children. Kind of ironic that such a topic could make me scream, huh? She thought that yelling at your children would cause them untold levels psychological trauma. She acknowledged that parents can and do become angry at children for not doing what they are told. Her solution to avoid the inevitably escalating argument was for the parents to take a time out. Really. I ain’t lyin’, she said this. Thinking back to when my children were young, it seemed to me that they made it a sport to see which parent would explode first. Maybe in this woman’s world, the sun rises in the west, animals talk to her in the morning and birds help her dress, but in my gritty reality, raised voices were not just to make a point but it was a matter of survival of the loudest. It was a challenge to even be heard over the din of three young children. She suggested a situation that if you are running late and the kids just won’t get dressed for school that you say to the children... in a soft reassuring voice, “I am going to go into the next room for a time out and in that time, if you can think of a way to help me get you ready for school, I would really appreciate it.” Then, I suppose magically, after a parental time out, she would return and the children would all be lined up at the door, in declining order of height, hair combed and lunch bags firmly in hand with self-satisfied smiles plastered on their cute little faces; a Von Trapp moment. In my world the script would read more like, ”John, I know you are focused on the world of science and in your quest for the betterment of society on the whole. I am also proud that you are pursuing the goals and dreams of an inquisitive 5 year old mind, but I am going into the next room for a time out and in that time if you could possibly rethink the idea of encouraging your baby sister to put that dinner fork in the electrical outlet. Your mother, the entire staff at the Emergency Ward and I would greatly appreciate it.”

Not that yelling is inherently a good thing, but, in my opinion, it is far from being the traumatizing incident that some people may think. Marjorie Gunnoe, a psychologist at Calvin College in Michigan states that, “When afraid, children learn poorly. Fear is a very bad teacher.” Sorry Marj, I beg to differ. Fear is a very good teacher. Specifically, it is how we learn not to do dumb things... again. She says that time outs or a firm, ”No” are better than yelling. But isn’t a firm “No” on the border of yelling? I am sure that if you look closely enough in the Bible, the Lord or somebody else spake in a booming voice to the rabble that always seemed to gather around mountains and such.

France has introduced a law making it a criminal act to yell at your spouse, citing the psychological violence it inflicts. I will agree that in some cases, words can be a fearful weapon and can have an horrendous effect on someone. But there is a difference between yelling and verbal abuse. The idea that you can be convicted of a criminal act for yelling at your spouse for not putting the cap on the Crest is a bit much. France, that beacon of rational thought in the 18th century, a pillar of republican ideals and causes for hundreds of years has wholeheartedly embraced the political correct craziness of the 21st century. However, I do have the feeling, that this law must have been enacted by men. It has been my experience that a woman’s retort by far is much more rapier-like than a man’s standard response of, “Oh yeah?”

So what it really comes down to is this; in a perfect world, just like in a perfect economy, some people think that the way things should progress, is the way they will progress. The real world is far removed from that way of thinking. Yelling may not be the best tool we have to raise our kids or interact with our spouses, but raising your voice in frustration or in trying to make a point is as much a part of life as talking. In all my years of sports, from the gentlemen-like nature of cricket where we all wore white ducks, to the rough, tough and bloody scrum of rugby, yelling was part of the game. Even at the best jobs in the world, someone at some point is going to start yelling at you for whatever reason. Be it the coffee is too hot, or if you looked at someone the wrong way or if someone’s animals didn’t talk to them that morning, you can count on the fact someone will take it out on you. If you are not equipped to handle someone yelling at you and you never experienced such action when you were a child, how will you ever deal with it as an adult? Maybe as was suggested, you could propose to your coach or boss, that if they could take a time out in the other room before they raise their voices, things might work out for the better. But something tells me not to hold my breath over that one.