A number of years ago I was
chatting with the late Dr. Gerry Wagar, an old family friend and a professional
colleague of both my father and brother.
The fact that he practiced medicine with both of them certainly pointed
to not only his professional longevity, but also to his dedication and
perseverance in the name of medicine. With so many years of psychiatric
practice under his belt I always listened to what he had to say when it came to
observations of the human condition. One day he mentioned to me that, in his
opinion, the number one reason why relationships break down is not a lack of
communication, but a difference of perception. His experience showed him that
when one party had a different perception of the same event than their partner
had witnessed and if they can’t resolve the difference in those perceptions that
is when problems arose. This is what he felt was the root cause of most
separations and divorces and it was this difference in perception that would
then ultimately lead to a total breakdown in communication
A visual parallel to this are
optical illusions in which our visual perceptions collide head on with reality.
One of the most well known of these is that of a white chalice on a black
background or is it a silhouette of two people looking at each other against a
white background? It is pretty difficult to say who is right, when from each of
the different perspectives; the image is exactly what they see. When looking at
it this way, it is easy to understand how arguments can ensue. It could also explain how an opinion can go
through a 180 degree turn by gaining a new perspective on things.
That certainly explains that when
two people observe the same thing, each may take away a completely different
understanding of it and when they try to relate their perception to the other
person, they often meet a stone wall as the other party may declare, sometimes
too emphatically, that the other party is missing the whole point of the
matter. This then would introduce the fact that the other party can’t see the
nose on their faces, unable to see the trees for the forest and a whole raft of
other idioms and personal slights and off we go to the races, finally resulting
in the mother of all arguments.
I have always tried to remember
that bit of advice and made my best effort to see both sides of the coin, to
alter my own perceptions and look at things differently. This has always helped
me when writing, as trumpeting one side of a situation could be regarded more
as propaganda than anything else. I am always reminded of how monumental some
differences in perception can be when it was pointed out to me that the sinking
of the Titanic could be seen as miracle to the lobsters in the galley of that
ship.
The power of crafting what
perceptions people have of events, products or in the case of politics, other
people, is an all consuming task to some people. Advertisers spend billions of
dollars to make us perceive their products are something useful and positive
and at the other end of the spectrum, Machiavellian political backroom boys try
to change the way we view their political opponents by running what seem to be a
ceaseless parade of attack ads that strive to make their perceptions, our
perceptions. Unfortunately, too often it works and this only reinforces their
behavior.
First impressions, or the way that
people first perceive you, can adversely colour your relationship with people
you are trying to impress or can stand in the way of getting that job you
always wanted or simply affect the way other people treat you. Often, even the
way you perceive yourself can differ from the way others perceive you. When you
project confidence others may see arrogance, shyness can be perceived as aloofness
or a wild carefree attitude into being called crazy. Not that I can personally
relate to any of those labels, but every time I start to think I might be a
little crazy, I thank the Lord for reality television shows. It just takes a few moments watching one of
those that I seem to have my own reality check and I feel more than sane, more
than normal and on a scale of zero to Honey Boo Boo, I think I come out on top.
But of course, that is just my
perception.
