Perceptions

A number of years ago I was chatting with the late Dr. Gerry Wagar, an old family friend and a professional colleague of both my father and brother.  The fact that he practiced medicine with both of them certainly pointed to not only his professional longevity, but also to his dedication and perseverance in the name of medicine. With so many years of psychiatric practice under his belt I always listened to what he had to say when it came to observations of the human condition. One day he mentioned to me that, in his opinion, the number one reason why relationships break down is not a lack of communication, but a difference of perception. His experience showed him that when one party had a different perception of the same event than their partner had witnessed and if they can’t resolve the difference in those perceptions that is when problems arose. This is what he felt was the root cause of most separations and divorces and it was this difference in perception that would then ultimately lead to a total breakdown in communication

A visual parallel to this are optical illusions in which our visual perceptions collide head on with reality. One of the most well known of these is that of a white chalice on a black background or is it a silhouette of two people looking at each other against a white background? It is pretty difficult to say who is right, when from each of the different perspectives; the image is exactly what they see. When looking at it this way, it is easy to understand how arguments can ensue.  It could also explain how an opinion can go through a 180 degree turn by gaining a new perspective on things.

That certainly explains that when two people observe the same thing, each may take away a completely different understanding of it and when they try to relate their perception to the other person, they often meet a stone wall as the other party may declare, sometimes too emphatically, that the other party is missing the whole point of the matter. This then would introduce the fact that the other party can’t see the nose on their faces, unable to see the trees for the forest and a whole raft of other idioms and personal slights and off we go to the races, finally resulting in the mother of all arguments. 

I have always tried to remember that bit of advice and made my best effort to see both sides of the coin, to alter my own perceptions and look at things differently. This has always helped me when writing, as trumpeting one side of a situation could be regarded more as propaganda than anything else. I am always reminded of how monumental some differences in perception can be when it was pointed out to me that the sinking of the Titanic could be seen as miracle to the lobsters in the galley of that ship.

The power of crafting what perceptions people have of events, products or in the case of politics, other people, is an all consuming task to some people. Advertisers spend billions of dollars to make us perceive their products are something useful and positive and at the other end of the spectrum, Machiavellian political backroom boys try to change the way we view their political opponents by running what seem to be a ceaseless parade of attack ads that strive to make their perceptions, our perceptions. Unfortunately, too often it works and this only reinforces their behavior.

First impressions, or the way that people first perceive you, can adversely colour your relationship with people you are trying to impress or can stand in the way of getting that job you always wanted or simply affect the way other people treat you. Often, even the way you perceive yourself can differ from the way others perceive you. When you project confidence others may see arrogance, shyness can be perceived as aloofness or a wild carefree attitude into being called crazy. Not that I can personally relate to any of those labels, but every time I start to think I might be a little crazy, I thank the Lord for reality television shows.  It just takes a few moments watching one of those that I seem to have my own reality check and I feel more than sane, more than normal and on a scale of zero to Honey Boo Boo, I think I come out on top.

But of course, that is just my perception.