And Lucifer Was His Name-o

I once had a kitten named Lucifer. But, this was not a case of devil worship, nor was it a cult like thing, it was just an attempt to be cool. At least, I thought so. Black Sabbath was one of my favorite bands and the Stones did make a classic out of “A Symphony for the Devil”, and at that time “The Exorcist” was a current hit movie. I figured cutting edge coolness would be a really cute, bouncy kitten named Lucifer. That, and the fact I loved calling outside for my kitten late, late at night.

So this strange idea formed in my mind, that if having a kitten who was named Lucifer was cool, what if I named my son Lucifer! Now, that would be very cool. Of course, this was at a time that my state of maturity was adjacent to zero (not unlike now) and any thought of having a child was matched only by my own declaration that I would never ever get married. The two things just weren’t in my future. Well as life sometimes takes over, a wife and kids were in my future and are in my present. But this article is more of what happens when little thoughts pop out unexpectedly. Zipping forward to the moment I met my wife-to-be at university, I became entranced by this woman. Like many of you, as new lovers we talked about everything under the sun and then backwards again. We just couldn’t get enough of each other, and we just knew we were the ones for each other. That is when this cute little story of my kitten named Lucifer popped out of my mouth. I was blissfully ignorant of the expression on my wife’s face and went on to say I had even thought of naming my son Lucifer. Casually, I looked over at her, thinking I would hear her wonderful laughter, see her smile and maybe a get a playful little poke in my side. That is what I expected. That is not what I got. Instead, it was Linda Blair’s mothers’ expression as she watched her daughters’ head spin around a few times. She got up did the cross thing a few times, muttered some prayers and quickly moved out of my room without turning her back on me. As the door slammed shut, I had one of those head smacking moments you have when you know you took that one little step across the line of stupid. I tried calling her, but the only message I got was something akin to, “Go back to the shadows, Prince of Darkness!”

Eventually, I did get to speak to her and explained that this was something I would never do. It was just an idea that came out of the wildest of my youthful ignorance. With suspicion quite plainly read on her face, she did warmed to me again, but it took me months to convince her to turn out the lights whenever I was around.

A few years ago, while we were sitting around the dinner table, my wife told the kids some of the other names we had in mind for them before they were born. They were all curious and would break into laughter when we told them what their names would have been if they were born of the opposite sex. Stephanie would have been Stephen, Catherine was Christopher and John would have been Stephanie.

Then, a memory popped out of my wife’s mouth, an old, buried, almost forgotten thought that should never had been brought back. She, for one of the first times in my memory, crossed the line of stupid and told John about me wanting to name my son Lucifer. I was expecting the Linda Blair’s mom thing, but all we got was an explosion of “COOL!!!” from John. Then, there was a moment of indignation that I even thought of doing that to him was insidious, then another explosion of “COOL”. I tried to my explain my version of things, but they were washed away with his outbursts of being the Prince of Darkness and a spawn of the Devil. His eyes rolled back into his skull and his tongue danced in his mouth as he shot dinner peas around the room. I just looked at my wife and she had the gall to be laughing out loud, with tears running down her cheeks. I thought to myself, now this was what I was expecting all those years ago when I crossed the line of stupid. Now, she had extracted her revenge on me. I thought I was supposed to be the funny one in the family.

When calm returned to the table, I began to think. Well, John has mentioned that he wanted to go into law, and if there was an arena for having a name like Lucifer Scott Q.C., law would be it. In fact, John could become a one namer like Bono, Cher and Prince. His law partner could just introduce him as Lucifer and that would certainly help speed up contract negotiations. Even better, he has always wanted to go into politics and you could have no better friend than the devil when it comes to the glad-handing, back-stabbing world of politics. But then reality would hit and I realized how difficult it would be for him to get a date for the first time, let alone coming round to meet her parents. For that matter, what kind of date could he get with a name like Lucifer and would we ever want to meet her? I mean, what would the neighbors say?

Humor is a Funny Thing

Humor, is a funny thing. A profound way to start this, isn't it? Right up there with "the medium is the message", I am sure that Marshall McLuhan would be proud. What I mean, is that humor is so many things to so many people. There are so many strata when you try to gauge humor; there are jokes that I hear that slay me, but leave other people in a dead stare. You may likewise find someone laughing hysterically at something you find not very funny at all.

I once told my wife a joke that I found incredibly funny, I asked her, "How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?" I gave her the punch-line and she stared at me with those vacant eyes that any joke teller fears. It's at moments like this that a humorist might decide to hang up the jokes, like an aging gun-fighter. A few hours after I told her the joke she clicked into the "fly" punch-line, finally understanding and truly found it funny.

When my kids were little and during the lulls of intellectual discussions about the origins of the atom and the philosophy of life, we would often delve into moments of silliness and humor. The kids range in a closely configured age, but what the oldest found funny was a little different from what the youngest found funny. Catherine, the youngest, had great fun saying to me,

"Knock, knock." (Followed by the required -)
"Who's There?" (Now the funny part -)
"Snot"
"Snot who?" (Followed by gales of laughter as she heard her Daddy say a gross word).

Stephanie being a little older had a little more evolved sense of humor.

"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"Rat lips"
"Rat lips who?"
"Rat-lips-don't-you-think-its-funny"
(Again peels of laughter)

With the oldest John, the jokes never ceased and even today his humor has survived a pounding from 4 years of Engineering. When he was young I showed him one of the oldest, most time honored jokes in the history of the civilized world. I pointed to a spot on his shirt and said, "What's that?" He innocently looked down and I expertly flicked his nose with my fingertip. It was like I told him the secret of the Caramilk bar. This became his mantra. However, the first time he tried it with his sister, when it came time to expertly flick his finger up, he buried both fingers into Stephanie's nose as she looked down. This actually caused a lot more laughter than the original joke would have. He has been trying to relive that moment ever since.

I always tried to foster and nurture a wild and wacky household. Humor or at least my interpretation of it, has been a part of my life and by extension my family’s. Many years ago at my younger brother’s wedding, John and I were in the reception line. Just a Dad and his prodigy. I introduced my son to the bride’s father and as John extended his hand to grasp his hand I said "shake". He started to shake his whole body as he and I do in moments of jest. That I think crystallized our family’s reputation from that moment on.

I have always felt that if people brought more humor into their everyday world that everything else would get a little lighter and less serious. God knows we are in a pretty bleak situation right now globally. But even if you can't change the world around you, you can at least lighten things up. Play the cards you have been dealt with but instead of always looking for the ace in the hole, just spend some time trying to find the joker.

By the way, the punch line for the joke I told my wife? Two, and I still don't know how they got in there.