DB Tests: The Dumbness Quotient

The other day I ran across a list of Grade 9 math questions that was in one of the papers that I read. The writer found the questions challenging, so he threw out 4 or 5 questions for his readers to solve. Now to be fair, I do have a math background and the answers to the questions were pretty easy. I smirked and snorted as the questions were passed down the table to my wife. She laughingly grabbed the paper and started reading the questions. Her laughter gave way to titters and then to a furrowed brow. It was then that it dawned on me that she was struggling with the math and that I had stepped unhesitatingly into a looming pile of trouble. This was not smart of me at all. I tried to back track as best I could, but I knew it was game over as she raised her dark eyes toward me. “What makes you think you are so smart?” She questioned. I should have just packed my bags and said my goodbyes. There was no way out. So I made the smart move and apologized. This demonstrates the difference between intelligence and being smart. Smart is knowing when to do the right thing.

Measuring intelligence has always been a goal of scientists and sociologists as someway to establish a pecking order of organized thought processes. It gives them a concrete base to establish and give credence to whom they think are the humans with the most to offer society when it comes to thinking things out. Unfortunately, many of us tend to agree with them. We seem to equate brilliant thinking with attaining a high I.Q. score. Now, there may be some correlation between the two, whether a higher I.Q. demonstrates the ability to think outside of convention thought patterns and therefore allows the viewer to see things in a different perspective or having the ability to sift through more information and pinpoint the matters that are most significant. But that is not my point. I.Q. tests may be a wonderful way to evaluate the brain, but a terrible way to evaluate “smart”.

I was discussing this with a friend of mine and the name of Howard Gardner came up. In 1983, Gardner introduced his new theory of Multiple Intelligence’s. He stated that our usual Intelligence Quotient tests usually just rely on primarily verbal, logical/mathematical and some spatial skills. He theorized that there were many different levels of intelligence including visual/spacial, bodily/kinetic, musical, interpersonal, intrapersonal and most recently naturalist, spiritual and existential. This certainly makes sense to me as I have always thought there was a big difference between “book” smarts and “real life” smarts. So it seems to me, that in the Ying and Yang sensibilities of this world, there must therefore be an opposite to his theory, a kind of Multiple Dumbness Quotient. So, I now present my theory.

My proposed multiple levels of dumbness are;

The Uh huh Level: This is when the subject only stares at you without emotion and says, “uh huh” after everything you say to them. An example might be, “Ralph! You hair is on fire!” and Ralph replies, “Uh huh.”

The NIMBY Level: If it doesn’t exist in their own back yard, it doesn’t exist. If it can’t be touched and felt... it ain’t. This include any esoteric ideas about anything. Well, except God because they know that God is without a doubt, real.

The Sealed Path Level. Clearly is the most frustrating to most normal people. This is when even in light of the most overwhelming proof of something, the person at this level of dumbness will still fail to change their thinking. Two and two will never be four, even if you hold your fingers up to them and count really slowly.

The Disco/Kinetic Level: I am sure we all know people like this and bear the scars of their frenzied motions. No matter how out of wack with rhythm they are, in their mind they are as graceful as Astaire. This applies to not only dancing, but skating or any other physical activity that requires any sort of co-ordination.

The Death/Risk Level: Otherwise known as the How Dumb Can You Be Rule. You jump off a bridge with a rubber band around your feet. You jump off a cliff with some cloth in your hand a see how far you can fall before throwing your cloth in the air to stop you. These people have all lost the rationale of, “you risk your life, you lose your life”. Of course, something will go wrong, it always does. Death is not very picky. He will certainly select dummies as quickly as anyone else.

And last but certainly not least; The Beyond Comprehension Level of Dumbness: I was watching an A&E show about tornado's. They were interviewing people who had been through the trauma of a tornado and survived to tell the tale afterward. Most of us have heard survivors say that sound of a tornado is similar to the sound of a train rushing by. Well, one gentleman from the deep south, disputed this comparison, I’ll try to quote as best I can, “Didn’t sound like no train to me... there weren’t no woo woo’s. Just the sound of wind.”

Now excuse me for putting my neck on the line, but that is just beyond comprehension dumb.