Look! Up in the sky! It's Supertaster!

When I was a child, I always had a rather up and down relationship with food, a kind of uneasy truce. I was what adults liked to distainingly call a “picky” eater. Not that I out and out rejected food on my plate as being just weird looking (although there were some food stuffs that definitely fell into that category), I was just acutely aware that I would get pretty sick to my stomach if I ate certain foods. Nowadays this is referred to as Hyper Sensitive Tastebud Syndrome, the possessors of this syndrome called Supertasters. It is probably the only group of individuals with the prefix super that I will ever be a member of. I know of several occasions I defied Newton’s Third Law of Physics where there is an equal and opposite reaction to an exerted force. I could put one piece of broccoli in my mouth and spew over three quarts of “unequal opposite reaction” back out.. It was definitely Linda Blair quantities. Still, food was more often than not, ordered from my plate to my mouth and then I involuntarily and inevitably delivered it back to my plate, the hallway and bathroom floor and point in between as I ran with hands plastered over my mouth. This always seemed to take people by surprise. It wasn’t that I didn’t particularly dislike the taste of whatever food it was, it was just once the flap of flesh at the back of my throat started the Sammy Davis Junior tap dance on the roof of my mouth, it was a foregone conclusion that whatever went down was going to come right back up and out.

Over the years my attitude towards food changed. I am not sure if this empowerment of having a choice in what I ate, when I ate or even, if I ate. During my teens I often compared eating to an addictive drug. My rather flawed logic was you could die of an overdose of food, you suffered from withdrawal pains and you had massive cravings that only using food could ease. I would often trot this out when people told me I ate like a bird. Considering my past experience of regurgitation, they weren’t far off. However, as I got older I started to appreciate not only eating food, I should add that I did eventually get over the throwing up part, but also cooking has become one of my favourite things to do. As any cook will tell you, there is nothing more gratifying than having people enjoy what you have made.

Cooking is like any other pastime, the more you do it the more you find that you never seem to have enough tools to complete the job properly. I find this is true whether you are building a house or making a cake. On top of that, throw in enticements from any number of cooking shows on the Food Network where you’ll see an array of seemingly indispensable tools that every cook should have. Having the right tools just makes things easier, the secret is when to know you have enough of them. Unlike most guy’s, my attraction to gadgets didn’t stop with electronic stores or golf stores. Cooking stores have become one of my favourite haunts. I can browse the shelves for hours, first off trying to figure out exactly what the tool is for and then whether or not I would have any use for it. I am sure there are just a handful of things that are really needed, but that never stopped me before. I should show you my electronics drawer sometime. My wife is a bit more pragmatic about things. When in the height of strawberry season I thought we should buy a strawberry huller to take the cap off the strawberries she just looked at me, held up her hand and pinched her forefinger together with her thumb. My defending reason that the huller was shiny carried very little weight. I won’t go into her responses for (in no particular order) a pickle container (okay, she said “What? A jar?”), the difference between a vegetable scrubber, a potato scrubber and a mushroom scrubber, pizza scissors or an avocado slicer.

It was during one of these trips to a local store that when I looked down the row upon row of gadgets that included among other things, an individual slicer for every vegetable and fruit on the planet, planers, mandolin’s and graters of every size and configuration, pot holders, spoon holders, hard butter holders, soft butter holders, plastic banana, apple and orange holders (I am still waiting for individual ones for grapes) that it occurred to me that I would need a pantry the size of the master bedroom to hold every utensil that there is available. Although this was certainly an entertaining thought, the idea of determining which of the slicers is for which fruit or vegetable would probably send me into a spasm of indecision. Then there would be whether or not I would be violating some code of cooking ethics if I used an egg slicer to slice a small tomato. But I guess until I have one of those Food Network kitchens the size of a stadium and a budget to match, I will do with what I have available. If it was up to my wife, a utensil drawer would probably consist of a sharp knife or two. But fortunately for me, as long as I keep my strange little utensils out of her way and continue serving up some delicious morsels, she is quite happy to let me indulge in my collecting habit, however useless they may be.