THE DIARY OF A BIG STAR by Wes Dailey

August 8 1987


It’s always difficult to write the first words in a diary. Ideally, no one will ever invade your own thoughts, but if your life becomes what you dream it may become, maybe they will be important. People attach a significance to your private thoughts, honesty to your soul. Right. If you don't have the excitement sometimes you have to create it. I took this approach with my acting career, I bullied myself into a test and because they were casting for an ass, I got the part. At least I can put it on my resume. I did my requisite appearances on commercials. Got a name, acquired a face. Landed a semi-regular stint on a new soap. Did some tours. To all who are interested, the young blood in the daytime soaps only dream of a life they portray. In the last tour, the company owned all my clothes. A great bargaining tool when I complained about 70 year old women trying to sneak a pinch of my butt at the local mall. "That's alright Wes", the producer would say, "We'll just get someone else more appropriate for your role". I live for pinches.

August 22 1987

I have made it a point to work around Entertainment Tonight's cameras. Interview me Mary Hart, Wes Dailey, non-male threatening and female enticing. It took me three years to get my little laugh and smile down. Kind of a George Clooney/Tom Selleck one, (hereafter known as the Masters).

ET was doing a bit on new soaps and I was one of the interviews. It was like a "sweet swing" in baseball. I was irreverent, flippant, confident, humble and charming. The show used my bit almost exclusively. It is an incredible feeling when your life unfolds the way you want it to.

September 1988

I know it has been a long time but since that interview thing, my life could be compared to a tornado. Everything is moving so fast, I don't even know what is happening. Of all the pitfalls in this business, drugs has to be the worst. They seem to be everywhere. Pills that will make you think your world is different than what it really is. It's a good thing I have my background. When I was a kid, taking Aspirin was a drug trip. I don't know how many dead eyes I have seen wasting away in beautiful faces. You can feel death hovering around them. What a shame.

Onto better things, the soap, my career and my profile has shot skyward. Fortunately, my attitude remained firmly fixed on the ground long enough to meet and marry another real person. Susan was/is, a struggling actress. She's a remarkable woman, I don't think I have ever loved anyone or anything quite this much. She has been so supportive of my career that she gave up a part of her life for me. That's one hell of a sacrifice. As an actor, you must endure an enormous amount of criticism, about your talent, your carriage, your looks and now a days, your agent. So it is great when you have someone who will love you no matter what, even when the looks do start to go.

Enough of back story, tomorrow I am going to start daily entries and I will be religious in my commitment to this journal.

October 1988

OK, so religious was maybe too strong a word. Maybe commitment wasn't quite what I meant, but I am writing. I find it difficult to write about my life in any fashion that resembles interesting. I am someone whose goal is to maintain a totally fictitious facade, all for the sake of money... sounds like a agent doesn't it. But unlike one of those things, I am a guy who is married to a wonderfully pregnant wife, who lives in an idyllic warm part of the country that smells of pollution and has too much crime. Paradise, don't you think?

I ran into some of the gang from New York. John is still in the game, he got some off-Broadway under his belt and is here for commercials. Peter has dropped acting and is trying his hand at directing. I think he will be very good at it, he always was an autocratic little prick. Debbie got into the fast life with some wanna-be producers, and kind of fell off the map. I hope she is OK, I always had a thing for her killer brown eyes. Anyway, after a couple hundred beers they finally tell me that I sold out to Hollywood for doing the soap thing. I just told them, 'I didn't sellout... Hollywood bought me.' It sounded great at the time and shut them up but I did sound a little full of myself? What can I say? An actors vanity is probably our most treasured personality trait. Plus they can't bull me, I know they would kill for my job.

December 1988

I think they are getting ready to kill me off the soap. That's one of the problems of being cast as a 'nice' guy. Whenever the creators think things are getting a little flat. Maybe the ratings take a dip for a week or so, they do something that will enrage or shock the public. In my case, I think they are going to try an AIDS storyline and kill me off. At least that is what the writer that hit on me said. Happily married didn't mean all that much to him.

And what is it with these writers getting all that money, don't they know where all the talent lies? I mean, anybody can invent a story. It is the actors and the directors that mold it into a comprehensible work.

June 1989

No time for apologies. I'm a Dad! Susan gave birth to a healthy boy, weighing 8 lbs. 10 oz. a full head of hair, like me and a very loud set of lungs like Susan. Both are doing extremely well. I am high, excited, I was there for the birth. It was better than an episode of "Rescue 911". I half expected William Shatner to walk out of the darkened corner. I was all ready for a good sound bit. I was going to tell him that Susan was in a great mood and was thinking about telling a joke, but she still had to work on her delivery. I was kind of hoping ET would be outside the room. Kind of a shame to waste a good line like that one. There were beeping things, nurses, doctors, needles, surgical gowns, all very real. His birth was truly one of the most remarkable things I have ever seen and I tell you even if they are all bloody and screaming, it is the most beautiful sight in the world when a baby is born. I vowed to Susan that I would be present no matter what for the births of our future children. But she made me promise no more jokes.

From my time with Josh, I know he will be great. He seems to smile on cue and eyes that perfectly captures the camera. They must be Susan's, mine tend to drift. Oh, by the way, that's what we decided to name him. Joshua Samuel Dailey, a real Irish name huh? What the hell, nobody out here has a real name anyway. Got to run, the gang from the show are taking me out to celebrate.

By the way, I am going to live. The writer got even madder at another actor who dumped him. My character lives, his dies. Great news to have a job when you have a family.

March 1990

I'm not good at this. The three of us went out for a drive today. We went to look for a new house. I am up for a major role in Stone's new project. Everything I wished for seems to be in my hands. I mean, Oliver Stone asked for me, no audition, the role was written for me. If I could change things, if I could give up everything I own, will own, I would. I just didn't see the car coming. The impact sent us off the road and although I was virtually unscathed, Susan and Josh were banged up pretty bad, but they seem to be doing well. My agent didn't even ask about them when he called. He was more concerned about my face. I hate this town sometimes. I'm still a little queasy so maybe I'll do a few words tomorrow.

July 24 1990

I can't believe the amount of time that has gone by. It seems I just wrote yesterday about the accident and here it is, 4 months later. Josh came into my room this morning, I don't even think I was awake. He walked up to my side of the bed and thrust a toy in my face. It was very important to him that I said good morning to Kermit. Anyway, I got out of bed and as I ambled down the stairs, he put his small hand in mine and skipped lightly beside me, I then realized the importance of family. Acting is one thing, but your family is number one. This was even more strongly reiterated when we sat down for breakfast and Josh, quite seriously, 'talked' to me in his own words. The really strange part is I could understand him. It was like he was talking directly to my brain. It was truly a Kodak moment.

He's a bright kid. A lot smarter than me for sure. But I really doubt Susan could relate to all this so I guess I'll keep this a secret. Speaking of whom, she is still soundly asleep. Nothing wakes that girl up.

October 1990

I can't believe the crap that is going down at the studio. The producer chewed me out for being late. Then they complained I wasn't into my work and my attention span was waning. I have made that show into what it is now. Sometimes I think I'll just walk and leave them without a storyline. See how well they do without their biggest star. They are just another soap without me! I'm hanging tonight with Jimmy and Jose at the club. They phoned the set and I got crap for that also. No private calls. Right. I guess calls from Mrs. Mistress for Mr. Producer isn't a private call. Bunch of crap. Anyway, Jimmy's got a line on some new stuff that is supposed to be outta this world.

I'll fill you in later.

January 15 1991

Budget restraints. I hate that phrase. I was terminated. I wasn't even given a publicized death. I simply wasn't there anymore. They didn't even have the nerve to tell me to my face. I was handed a scrap of paper. Real classy. I got home and broke the news to Susan. She told me I didn't need that job anyway. The Stone picture was going into pre soon and once I signed, TV would be forgotten. I don't know what the delay is. They were so hot for me a little while ago. I hope this won't make things worse. Susan put my mind to rest so I thought I would do a little. I stretched out on the sofa and let my brain slide. No sooner were my eyes closed than I heard this tiny whisper "Daddy? Are you asleep?" Coming around the couch, Josh smiled as I looked at him. "What is it, son?" He was a bit sheepish as he told me about this new toy he wanted. He didn't really beg, but it was as close as someone could get. I considered saying, "Ask your Mother", but I decided, unemployed and all to say yes. I hadn't seen him so happy in my life.

Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, Josh snuck up on the bed and just as my legs seemed to relax, he jumped on me. We talked about everything under the sun. I mean, at this time in my career, I have time. No sound stage calling at 4:00 AM every day. This is a blessing in disguise.
February 23 1991

Susan and I got into it last night. I got back from the club and she was waiting for me. Why would she do that? 3:00 AM is not the time to start talking at me. Bottom line is when I got up this afternoon, she was gone. Clothes, pictures, everything was gone. When things were good, she was here. Times get dark and she's gone. I didn't do anything wrong, I wasn't screwing around. Just seemed if I did any stuff, she flipped. I mean, it is my life. If I want to escape, that's my business. Later journal, just going out with the guys.

March 12 1991

Josh told me he loved me this morning. But in the same breath, he told me he loved hockey, gerbils and Inspector Gadget also. What is a pedestal for unless you can be pulled down from it. He wants to see me more and I want to see him more. I will always love Susan, but it is Josh that I think of now. He just appears in the door just as I am relaxing and then talk for hours. He makes me proud. I wish I were more like him when I was a kid. If I were, I probably would have been a better actor, a better husband and a better person. Anyway, it's been a long day, I'm sleepy. Susan has hinted at having me back, Josh wants me all the time. I think I might join him. I just hope he's there for me. I just want to be with him.




Los Angeles (AP) Actor Wes Dailey, 34,
was found dead yesterday at his Malibu
apartment, an apparent suicide. A
promising career which began as a
continuing role of lawyer Stag Phelps on
the highly rated daytime soap, 'Tried & True',
ended with a suspected drug
overdose. His agent, Fred Simmons,
reports that since the death of his
year old son, Josh, as a result of a car
accident, and the recent separation from
his wife, Susan, the actor had been in a
severe depression. "Wes had one of those
abilities to act," reports producer of
'Tried & True', Mike Quinlan, " A person
who would go the extra take, to do what a
director wanted. It was a tragedy what
happened to him and I think everyone who
worked with Wes will recognize the loss
of a great talent. He will missed by all."
Services will be held at Garden Lawns Cemetery
and donations will be accepted in the name
of Wes Dailey for the Substance Abuse Program
at St. Richard's Hospital and the Hollywood
Actors Fund.




Josh?... Daddy's home.