Stick 'Em Up!

There are so few things that seem to get me riled up anymore. I used to get so animated about things that were out of whack when compared to my own little sphere of life. Sometimes I couldn’t resist poking a stick at it to see what sort of laughs I could elicit. But as the years have moved me along, my tolerance, instead of shortening, has become somewhat elastic; somewhat more accepting of things. In the past, it didn’t matter if it was politics, sports or movies, if they clashed with my point of view or didn’t measure up to my particular standards, I would start poking. Now, it doesn’t seem to matter that much. To borrow a word from our younger generation, it all seems kind of, meh.

Years ago, if I saw the Montreal Canadiens sitting where they sat last year in the hockey standings, my heart would have dropped a few beats every time I opened the sports pages. My beloved Habs being bottom dwellers, who woulda thunk? I am sure the end result would have resulted in me crying in a glass of warmed over Molson ale and my already white hair an even bolder shade of white. In politics, my liberal leanings would have screamed with outrage over the wavering and dangerous political path our esteemed Prime Minister has been leading us on. But that would only pale against the angst I would have expressed to the strangle hold that right wing conservatism seems to have engulfed both our nation and our southerly neighbours. Comments about the political mistruths and Nixonian political tricks would have blasted forth from my head like a Canada Day fireworks display. But today, not so much.

That said, the other week I did encounter something that while it didn’t necessarily make my blood boil or send the aforementioned fireworks spewing from my forehead, it was enough to make me lean forward to get a second look and confirm what I actually saw.

There were a couple of contributing factors at play here. One was the marketing of something that really had no real use. This is certainly nothing new, look at the Kardashian’s. Reaching back, who could ever forget the Pet Rock craze back in 1975? Slap some googly eyes on a rock, put it in a box and sell it. It pains me to admit to owning two of them. I actually tried to breed them... I had a strange childhood. We could also consider the current on line marketing of the Auld Sod Export Company who sell dirt; Irish dirt, to be specific. A one pound bag of “Official” Irish dirt costs $14.99 US, plus shipping and handling, of course. They also allow you to print off a Letter of Authenticity to show that this is real dirt from County Tipperary. For $14.99 US plus shipping and handling, I’ll come over to your place dressed in green vest, top hat and sing, “Danny Boy” while dancing a jig for you. However, I don’t come with a Letter of Authenticity, but you can’t get more Irish than Patrick.

What caught my attention were these stick figures that people put on the back window of their family vans or SUV’s. These figures, I suppose, illustrates the family contained in the vehicle. They normally have a Mommy and a Daddy holding hands and then “x” number of children, pigtails identifying the girls lined up beside them, all holding hands. This is a very silly idea, but cute all the same. People do love to advertise their family dynamic. I remember back in the 1980's when the orange triangle, “Baby On Board” decals appeared on the back of most young couples cars. Of course, in those days you got them free when you bought a certain product, now I think they are sold as a retail item. This one particular SUV also had a little dog and cat stick figures beside the children. Okay, I can go along with that. I know there are people who love their pets, maybe in fact they love their pets more than people. That is certainly not a hard one to understand. People can be somewhat unpredictable in their actions, although the same thing can be said about pets, no one can doubt their loyalty. But getting back to the SUV, at the end of this line of characters, which by this point was stretching across the rear window, was another dog... a dog with a halo and angel wings. This is the point that I started to search for a stick to begin the poking. I perfectly understand the idea that people might have a place in their hearts for a dog who died, but to slap a stick figure on the back of your vehicle? I can certainly think of other ways to honour the memory. I may also question why they might not have had one for the goldfish that I am sure must have gone to the big glass bowl in the sky. I think every family at one time or another has lost a goldfish, but I guess this is just demonstrates the value of certain pets.

However, the big question to me was, does the marketer of this product also have a Grandpa and Grandma with a halo and angel wings waiting in the inventory somewhere? What about the opposite? Would they have devil’s horns and a forked tail for the less than admired in-laws that have passed? I suppose that the manufacturer will produce anything that someone will buy, no matter how silly or stupid. Maybe there is a market for customized stick figures. I am looking for some stick figures of a guy with turnout pockets with a stick figured tax man holding a gun to his back, standing beside a frazzled looking stick figure woman and with three stick figured children wearing flat boards and each clutching a rolled up degree in their hands and of course a couple dozen goldfish with halos and wings. If you hear of one, please let me know, just stick a sign in your rear window. I am sure I’ll see it.