Dr. Google

I did something that no rational human should do. I checked Dr. Google for medical advice.  If you ever want to escalate something as simple as a pimple into a life threatening medical emergency, consult Dr Google.  It's not too surprising that I seem to be in constant touch with different pains and aches, I am getting to that point in my life where body parts are starting to wear out, so it's only natural that my body announces them to me. I am not a hypochondriac and I don't adopt new symptoms as I hear about them.  I am just aging. As I am prone to tell people, aging is a lot better than the only known alternative at this point and I'll take aging hands down over that one.

Anyway, I was feeling one of these new pains and was curious as to what it might be, so I typed in the symptoms I was having and it came back with 42,175 hits in 0.014 seconds. Of course, almost all of them had nothing to do with what I was looking for.  At any rate, I was searching for the most reasonable link to what I was looking for and came across an article that detailed the seven most common symptoms of a serious illness.  Naturally, I wanted to see what these symptoms might be, so I followed the link.  One of the things we always have to keep in mind about these on line articles is that for the most part, they are not written by medical or scientific professionals who are looking to enlighten us, but by wordsmiths trying to crank out as much content filler for websites as possible.

The first symptoms that were listed were fairly generic and really could be applied to anything at all. Among them were rapid weight loss, lack of energy, shortness of breath and anemia, but it was the seventh symptom that really stood out for me. I am sure they were saving the best for last. That of course, was having no symptoms at all.  A short statement that I am sure sent paranoid hypochondriacs into a full blown panic attack. Having no symptoms might indicate you have this very serious illness. Thank you very much, internet.

I guess it is only natural that as one ages, there is a tendency to try to stretch your time out as long as possible. When I was younger, off in the distance I could always see a shape, but it was really just a shape with no discernible features. Now that figure is coming into focus a bit more and I can definitely make out  a hooded figure with a scythe slowly moving my way.  Anything I can do to impede that progress is fair game.

To that end, I have been looking after myself far better than I ever did when I was younger. It would be safe to say that I am far healthier now than I was in my 40's. My diet has improved, I exercise regularly and all those wonderfully enjoyable habits I once had are now as faded as my eye sight.  It is not that all of these efforts don't come with some sort of cost.  Many of the aches and pains that initiated the Dr Google search in the first place are a result of something I pushed too hard to do.  I have been running for many years now, but decided that maybe I should also add some weight training to my regime to firm up my muscle mass and strengthen my core. From what I understand, this would be beneficial to my body as a whole.  I did find a 6 week routine to follow and have been fairly successful keeping up with it.  However, I might have been more successful if I found a program that was titled more like, "A 6 Week Program for 60 Year Old Men, Who Misguidedly Think They Are Still 20".  I say this because in the midst of a mighty push, I heard and felt a "pop" in my chest.  Naturally, the first thing that came into my mind was the movie, "Alien". Anything to do with chest popping can only be related to aliens making a messy chest exit and wreaking havoc. I quickly pulled up my T-shirt, half expecting to see a head sticking out of my chest, but only saw my own sorry chest and stomach. No aliens, just a few weeks of rest and the elimination of this little exercise from my routine.

Did I learn from my trying to self-diagnose on the internet? No, definitely not.  Almost every website is filled with new studies which say butter/sugar/red meat/alcohol/salt is good/bad/indifferent to your overall well-being and to stop/continue/moderate the use of it. I think the only thing we can do is take it all with a grain of salt or is that bad for you too?

 Last week I did stumble upon a paper concerning a thing called the Exploding Head Syndrome. After reading the article, I found out that I am among the 13% of the population who have it.  What really makes this a fun diagnosis to tell people is they have a tendency to stare at you for the rest of the night. Mostly, I am sure, envisioning a real Stephen King kind of outcome. However, as to the nature of the syndrome, I'll leave that to you and Dr Google to find out.